The Homer Simpson approach to computer Technical Support

Recently, I have had a series of encounters with "technical support" from several computer companies. In a nutshell, their support has been useless, inane, and even insulting. Homer Simpson could have done a better job.

My career over the last 42 years has been the technical side of computers. I can safely say that I've been around the block more than once. (1) 

What I resent is this:

1. They do not try and open a dialogue. They just assume. 
2. They assume that I am a "newbie" and assume that I know nothing about computers. 
3. They assume that I am idiot who does not know how to read or write. If they're so smart, why don't they have a real computer job instead of reading rote answers someone else gives them? 
4. They have no experience with the product they support. I had a online chat with one such techie and he had to go offline for 5 minutes at a time to get help.
5. They do not ask me about the environment I'm using. They ALWAYS assume that its windoze and internet "explorer" (2)

Here are some of the encounters with "technical" support that I have had recently:

1 - A Canadian ISP. My daughter used a small ISP in Victoria, BC. Several of the family in various parts of the US, who use Yahoo, have had our email rejected by their daemon for one of two reasons. "Too many addressee for this hour" or "Too much time in the queue".  So I contacted their tech support:

• I got the usual baffle them with BS. "The error message indicates that the Yahoo.com  server has been behaving in a manner which our server considers threatening. This has caused our server to respond automatically by blocking that outgoing mail server in order to protect our customers from the apparent threat. Often, this is the result of a dramatic increase in the volume or type of mail that we have received from that server. This is either caused by spammers (3) in the yahoo system or that their servers have been compromised.
  Some of our customers have reported that the Yahoo mail administrators have been made aware and are investigating the causes of the issue on their end. Please note that this is not something that [… we …] can resolve directly since the problems are occurring at the Yahoo mail servers. There's a reason why Yahoo is being blocked and this is the something that the Yahoo administrators must work on in order that their servers are no longer triggering [… our …] spam filters to block them
  If the problem persists, it will be necessary for the sender's mail admins to fill out a form online as a request to be removed from the block"
• Yahoo's problem? I send email to at least a dozen different ISP's from Yahoo (such as Gmail, hotmail, earthlink, etc., including two different ones in England). The only time I've had them rejected is with "Addressee Unknown" when I've given a bad email address. Otherwise, I have NEVER gotten email rejected from any of these ISP's for any other reason. Hm. I can send email all over half the world and it does not get rejected except by some little company in Canada. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
• "If the problem persists, it will be necessary for the sender's mail admins to fill out a form online as a request to be removed from the block" What what?Why does this little Podunk company require me to fill out an exception request. No other ISP in the Western world requires it and I can communicate with them without any problem.
• I then tried sending email at various times of the day including before 5 a.m. Surprise, Surprise. The 5 a.m. email got through, the latter ones were rejected. Hm. "Too many addressees this hour", "too much time in the queue", it works off peak but not during peak hours. It sounds like a capacity problem, it acts like a capacity problem. Maybe they ought to look at their capacity issues.
• Bottom line: My daughter switched to GMail and the problem went away.
• It sounds like somebody in Canada has their toque's on too tight and are wearing snow blinders.

2. A recognized "leader" in financial software.  I wanted to start my budgeting fresh for 2011 without any reference to 2010 because last year was disastrous for me and I need  a strong budget approach. Their financial software regularly queries my various accounts, and gives a monthly accounting for my budget. All well and good, except it kept confusing things with 2010 data. I asked their tech support as to how I could start afresh. Their replies were:

• "It doesn't work like the others". What others? My toaster? The phases of the moon? Please give a hint!
• "Read the manual and search the forum". Duh, why didn't I think of that. Rule one in life: RTFM. I read the manual - it has no technical information, it is only a long sales document. Rule two: Ask other people. The forum dialogues are about as useful as Facebook, a lot of "I have the same problem" and "have you tried?".
• I asked if I could delete the 2010 transactions and their reply is that I have to wait 3 months for it to rollover. Based on their other uninformed answers, I deleted 2010 transactions and it almost worked correctly. 
• Bottom line, I was so disgusted with their support, I got my money back.
• (I should have known the trouble I was getting into when they introduced themselves as Rajit, Pathi, and the like)

I was having trouble logging in a new service. 

• Dear Member, If you are not able to log in into your account, please ensure that you are using the correct username and password.  If you have forgotten your username/password, please go to ... Duh, am I stupid or what. Why didn't I think of that!!!  
• We have provided your log in information.  Please verify that you are typing in your username exactly how it appears. Uh, yep, I tried that - several times. Why did I call your help desk first?
• Please make sure you try the following before you log in:

Obviously, these exact instructions are for Internet Explorer. Though similar, FireFox and Safari have the same stuff hidden in other places.

1. Open a New (Internet Explorer) Browser

2. Choose "Tools" (in other browsers, the information they wanted me to change is under "preferences")

3. Click on "Internet Options" 

4. Click on "Delete Cookies" (SAY WHAT?)

5. Click on "Delete Temp Internet Files" (AGAIN, SAY WHAT? How ham handed can you get?)

6. Then click "Settings" and choose "Every Visit to the Page" (AHA, inadvertently, a real clue)

7. LASTLY, RESTART YOUR COMPUTER !! Are we still in the dark ages !! - to change a few cookies in a browser!

Well, while awaiting their reply, I switched from FireFox to Safari (I have been having recurring problems using FireFox to log in to various sites)(4) et voila, the problem disappeared. A quick search of FireFox forums (5) told me why I was having the problem and what to do to fix it. I checked a box in preferences about cookies and it worked.

• I did not have to start a new browser
• I did not have to delete all or any cookies, 
• I did not have to restart the browser. The changes were made on the fly. 
• most of all I DID NOT HAVE TO RESTART MY COMPUTER
• ticking the box in preferences has fixed all my FireFox log in problems
• I did, however, cancel the "service".

To summarize, the score is consumer 3, service providers 0. Why? Because they gave such poor support we switched services and got our money back.


----------------------------------------------------


(1) A little background. I'm a graduate in Math and English at a university respected worldwide with a fair amount of Nobel prize winners. My career has been working with computers since the early 70's with fortune 500 companies, including IBM and at Amdahl. I have been an applications programmer adept at least a dozen different computer languages including FORTRAN, PL/I C, Java, and machine language for three different computer architectures.  I am an expert in the internals of IBM mainframe operating systems. I have used pc's since the early DOS days and have pretty much used every level of windoze up until Vista. I have exclusively used Apple equipment and software since OS X, because my experience says that windoze is a piece of junk, witness VISTA. I have been both an beta and an ALPHA tester of various operating system software and hardware, including LINUX and IBM's SHARK. I have traveled all over the US as on site technical support and had accounts that I visited in New Zealand and Austria.


(2) If "I.E." is so good, then why do other companies have to come out with things like Safari FireFox, Opera, Chrome, and a whole lot of others.  68% of market uses something else besides I.E.. FireFox owns 28%- it is quite likely that the browser is FireFox. 

If windoze is so good, why do sophisticated users knowingly spend more money for Apple OS X and hardware??? Answer: windoze caters to the inexperienced user who does not know that they are being duped. 

(3) My pet peeve is that spell checkers need a college education in English. I have to dumb down my emails and blogs just to find typing errors. It knows about "spam", but not "spammer" or "spammers". Try typing in the plural of millennium, millennia.


(4) Every browser has it faults.  My preference is FireFox because it has a richer variety of extensions, add-ons, and themes than Safari. it has a wider variety of add-ons and custom "skins". Besides, I had to switch from Safari because its java looped while trying to send an email from Yahoo. But I have to use Safari when using this blogger because FireFox jumps the screen every time this blogger saves this blog. I don't use I.E. because I don't want to have to restart my computer to make minuscule changes.


(5) The FireFox forums are vastly superior to the mere application forums like the one I mentioned above. It is inhabited by sophisticated computer user and its developers. Apples forums are pretty good, but they have been dumbed down and you sometimes have to contact them directly. 


IBM can have the "over whelm the enemy" approach. But IBM has an excellent support line used by expert computer callers. You call in to Level 1, who tries to answer with pre-canned answers. If the customer is not satisfied with the answer, they have Level 2 call the customer. Level 2 only deals with that one product, has all the reams of IBM documentation for it and the source code. After a good bit of research, if they cannot answer the question, it is moved to Level 3, who are experts on the product and how it works. They have all the info that Level 2, plus field experience with the product, plus direct access to the developers (a cranky lot, to say the least). If there still is no answer, it opened as a bug, and IBM hates bug - the Problem gets the attention of the developers. (I was level 3 on storage software and hardware for awhile but I moved on to more interesting things.)

TTFN

(Bright)

"Man Killed After Hitting Sound Barrier in Concord, CA"

The news crawler on the local TV station had the headline,

"Man Killed After Hitting Sound Barrier in Concord"

No further explanation was given.

We could only speculate:

• Was he blown up, the pieces of him exceeding the sound barrier as they flew apart?
• Did his jet plane go into a dive, increasing its speed until it fell apart as it hit the sound barrier?
• Was he driving a rocket car which disentegrated when it hit the sound barrier? Was he evading the police to avoid a ticket?
• Was he wearing a jet pack that exceeded its limits?
• Was he an alien who's UFO failed? 

(The UFO issue brings up a whole lot of questions: if it landed, would it be an ILO - identified landing object; if an alien came from outer space, would he be an illegal alien, subject to INS scrutiny? After it landed, would he need a visa?)

Unfortunately, what happened was much more mundane. The reporter asked the CHP officer what had happened and the reply he got was "the vehicle sustained major damage after striking a brick sound barrier running along the eastbound highway"

"According to the CHP, a sound barrier is a large wall built to shield neighboring homes from the noise generated by traffic."

TTFN
(Bright)

Roller Derby Reemerges as a Recognized Sport

We have a burgeoning women's flat track roller derby team at one of the last local roller rinks here in the Santa Clara Valley, in the San Franciso Bay area. They're the Silicon Valley Roller Girls (SVRG), sanctioned by a national organization, the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) with teams all over the US (See the movie "Whip It "). Roller derby has now gained international recognition, as a member of the USA Roller Sports (USARS) and the USA Olympic Committee.

The derbies have gotten so popular that the games are sold out at least a week in advance.

Its a family affair, noted with signs at the door, an announcement over the PA, carding at the beer stand and 3 burly, fit, Police Sergeants (i.e., experienced field supervisors; in San Jose, they can have 1/2 dozen officers there in minutes if the need arose). Attendees range from infants in arms to senior citizens (like me) Although beer is on sale, the place does not get rowdy, even given the small venue and the noise level. Its just plain fun for everyone.

The preteen girls emulate their favorite skater, not some rock star. The skaters use such names as Beth Sentence, Cyn Tax,  Cole Cocked, Booty Vicious, Bozo Disposo, Catherine Beata Bones, Death by Dollface, Rot Wheels, Belle Winger, Retox Fox, Lindsay Lowhanded and the like. Some of coaches and refs are Left Turn Only (skating the other way is a no-no), Texas Tea Bag, Frida Khill*ya, the Seven Year Bitch, Weavin Kohl Bear, and Jonny Demonic.  LOL.

Even though its a fast, rough, knock down sport, the women, in "real life" are school teachers, office workers and managers, high tech specialists (after all, it is Silicon Valley), retail sales clerks, waitresses, and many other backgrounds of every differnet marital status. They use roller derby to work out their aggressions!.  In civvies, you would never guess that they play such a rough sport (though the bumps and bruises might show in a bikini). Except for a few, none of them are alternative or have tattoos.

Also, there are more and more lesbian couples, from mid twenties to mid forties. Its a sport that they can embrace. The Bulls were easily distinguishable from their femmes. For most, Saturday night was their first time at the derby, though its been going on for over two years.

And the BDSM crowd with leather bustiers are coming out (pardon the pun on closets and bustiers)

I just hope that they can find a better venue as the one they are in might be torn down and turned into yet another apartment complex (greed over quality of life everytime, except for the rich man's golf courses!).

Silicon Valley Roller Girls

TTFN
(Bright)

Noted in Passing 2011/02/06

1 - Headline: "Bar fight Escalates into Melee"

1.  "bar fight" - most everyone knows what that means. Many have actually been participants.
2. "escalates" - this a bit harder, maybe advanced 12th grade or maybe some college English required.
3. "melee" - rarely used, college English major or History major. melee: a confused hand-to-hand fight amount several people (a brawl)

Judging from the videos, "melee" was the correct choice, with at least a dozen or more involved with no visible organization! How did this slip through the wallahs at the local TV station? Back in the days, when news had to pass by an editor, it would have been dumbed down to "Bar fight turns into drunken brawl". Have we actually got an intelligent reporter out there?

2 - To fill the enormous amount of air time before the Super Bowl, they were having the usual inane celebrity interviews, one of which was with Jennifer Anniston and Adam Sandler.  It drifted into a comparison between her hair (it was windy) and his bad movies. The comparison ended up undecided!

3 - Of course, my mind drifted into musing about where Jennifer fits into the scheme of things. She seems to be in the tradition of silly, adorable, lovable, one note personnas ala Carole Lombard, Zazu Pitts, Lucy, Suzanne Summers, Farrah Fawcet, Meg Ryan, Reese Witherspoon and so on who seems to fit a need for light comic, romantic relief in each generation (though Lucy, Farrah, and Reese can also do serious drama). Catherine Hepburn, Julia Roberts, and some others were/are capable of switching between this persona and many others (I deliberately discount Sandra Bullock, who, IMHO, is not credible in any genre). Heaven forbid that Jennifer could do anything but look cute, smile, and whimper. 

Reading between the lines, she seems to be a shallow, boring person, though very, very rich. Brad Pitt mentioned that she always had to go to the same Mexican Restaurant every Thursday night and have the same order. She seems incapable of making any long term romantic liaison. She seems to take almost all of her vacations with Courtney Cox. She is most famous for her one note character, Rachel, from "Friends", and most of her awards have been from the Teen Choice Awards or People's choice awards, mostly also as an also ran. Have you noticed how television has slid from such cutting edge programs like the various anthologies featuring top rate actors (so and so presents), Cid Caesar, Ernie Kovacs, Phil Slivers, Lucy, All In The Family, to such mindless pap as "The Seinfeld" and "Friends". (shame on you, Capt. - resorting to gossip)

(when are they going to get a college educated Spell Check!)

TTFN

(Bright)